Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Willy Burg Characters

New York City, particularly Williamsburg, truly has its share of characters. In the midst of a rather uneventful weekend aside from getting way too trashed Friday night at Bembe and the East River Bar, and picking up some old school red Nikes at a thrift store for $15, I found myself encountering quite a few of these characters. I'd say probably about 5 in total, but here are three...

1. THE LONELY DIVE BAR DUMMY - a staggering unattractive fellow, drunk on 32oz beers served in styrofoam cups, approached my friends an I. In an attempt to initiate conversation he asked in complete sincerity without trying to be funny or ironic, "So... you come here often?" He entertained us so we kept going back and forth with him. He tried desperately to keep the wheels turning in his big intoxicated head to keep up the conversation. I asked him "So... what else you got??" He thought long and hard I assume, even though his stare seemed pretty vapid. He finally said that he knew three jokes. Of course I wanted to hear. He told 2 which I've forgotten now and then told the third.. "Would a warewolf always be a warewolf if it lived on the moon?" That, he said, was his best joke.

2. CRAZED GAS STATION ATTENDENT FROM STRANGE UNDISCERNABLE FOREIGN COUNTRY - I pulled up to a gas station to fill up my moped tank. i slid my card, prepaid $1.50 (small tank) and proceeded to fill up. $1.20 ended up being enough and I didn't care to get my change so I got ready to leave when the gas station attendant came out of his little gas office and asked me in a very heavy accent if I got a receipt. I figured he wanted to give me my change. I said I'd just hit the no receipt button because I didnt want one. He said "I need. I need receipt. you not alowed to touch!" So i said "excuse me im not alowed to touch what? I paid and Im leaving." He yelled, "where's proof? you no leave!? me - "sir. I dont know what you're talking about. I paid. Im leaving." Him - "NO!" It went back and forth like this for a a bit. He said stirnly "You NO go! I check computer. you stay!" I waited a moment to humor the very strange and now very heated man. He walked back into the little gas office, apparently checked the computer and waved me on to go. I went.

3. THE ARTIST/POET - met at a bar while with some friends. he wore tight dark expensive clothes. while others danced and drank, he sat in a dimly lit corner introspectively contemplating the heavy troubles of the world, his world. He worked hard to keep up a facade of deep mysteriousness but transformed out of his cloak of troubled artist into wide eyed horny obnoxious dude when the potential opportunity arose to see 2 girls kiss.